Suaveh’s Speculations

Isn’t it fun to be single?

Well… not really. It really gets lonely sometimes…

But… Is it really right to get lonely?

After a few scoldings from a close friend… I kinda realized… If I’m not happy with myself, if I don’t have confidence in myself, if I don’t think I’m worthy of anybody, if I don’t think of myself as capable… What right to I have to get into a relationship with someone else? If I’m not happy with myself, how can I make another happy? If I don’t have confidence, where will I find the strength to love another? If I don’t of think myself as worthy, what can I give another person? If I don’t think of myself as capable, will I be able to do anything?

And so… I guess for this new year… I’ve made a resolution… That I shall try to stay single, and try to let go of my feelings… until I’m sure of myself, until I’m confident in myself, until I think of myself as worthy and capable of doing anything…

That leaves more time for me to play games XD

Naaah… maybe not… I’ll try to focus more on improving myself.

It’s happening again… I’m starting to feel like I’m going to lose
her. I don’t know why I felt like that… after finding out this thing
and that thing… I suddenly felt… Jealous?

I don’t even know if I should be jealous in the first place…

Anyways… Another point of confusion… Gaming and being a gamer… I guess I’m starting to feel that I should stop being one. I used to say that gaming is for all ages, and that I would never grow tired of it no matter how old I grow, but now I’m starting to think otherwise. I don’t know if it’s because nagsawa na ako… but maybe it’s because I’ve set other priorities now and my mind is filled with other thoughts… (like her? ^_^)

And now I guess I kinda feel bad in some of my investments like Guild Wars, Civilization 4 and the PS2…

Or maybe… it’s because I just played too much DotA. I’ve been trying to pull myself out of the game for the past few weeks, and I’m getting kinda successful. I know na kulang pa ang skills ko sa game and I may be able to improve myself, but I’m thinking that there are other games to play.

It’s like… should I play or not? And if I will play… what game? ~_~;;;

Anyways I’m really getting into OPM music. I’ve bought/been given various OPM CD’s for the past few weeks. It started with Hale… then Parokya ni Edgar… then Join the Club… then Ultraelectromagnetic Jam (go Eraserheads!) and last week, I was given an Itchyworms album and an Orange and Lemons album. I love the Itchyworms album kasi… well maganda talaga sya… hehehehehe ^_^ Maganda ang messages nya rin… if marinig ng mga taong target ng message yun and maintindihan nila… hehe. I’ve yet to listen more to OnL. It’s quite interesting… kasi syempre OnL yun… pero di ko pa nainternalize ang mga songs nila… hehe.

Howell… I guess… I should just focus more on what I could do now… just like what was said in Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits… I should just try to do what I could in my circle of influence… and try to expand it. ^_^

Until next time… Kapag sinipag uli… ^_^